The First Time

Do you remember the first time you sinned? Probably not. You might have been two,  trying to get that Toy from another child. You did not like sharing, so you arrogantly screamed out, "MINE!". Do you remember that moment? Most of us won't. But, do you remember the first time you truly recognized that you sinned? That time that you told a very big lie to your parents, that time that you did something in secret that you knew was wrong?

We know that Adam and Even committed the first sin by choosing to disobey God. Disobedience cost them dearly, but how about the first murderer of the bible? Their son Cain? It did not seem at first that he was about to kill Abel. In fact, it seemed that he was just very jealous of his younger brother. But then one day he looses control, gets mad, and kills Abel. He becomes the first murderer recorded in history. Did Cain even know what he was doing? I don't think he had ever seen someone die yet. But He became the first to know how it looks like. Because He did it.

 Our culture is so used to sin that  I don't think we really grasp the concept of the first murder. They were brothers. They loved each other, and in one angry mood Cain committed what He probably didn't even know was possible YET. Does this make him innocent? Not at all because his actions were rooted in sin. However, God surprisingly showed him mercy. He said ^"anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him."

 When sin entered the garden God knew that our passions and desires would be uncontrollable. God even gave Cain advice right before he killed his brother. He loved Cain so  much that he gave him  a tip: "sin is crouching at your door, its desire is for you, but you must rule over it!". Even when Cain failed, God had to give him his consequences but not without protecting him a the same time. Sin was new to this world and God was very involved.

As I was reading these chapters this week I couldn't help but think that I am very much like Cain. In one second I can let anger settle in. Bitterness overtakes my heart, and I allow Jealousy to whisper its thoughts over me. My heart recently has taken a few slides from doubts, to anger, to resentment. At first, I want to blame others and then realize that the one I'm fighting with, is really myself. Sin crouches at my door, its desire is for me. But I must rule over it. 





I am like Cain, knowing very well my sin, but needing the protection that can only come from God.

Oswald chamber says "beware of the cares of this world, because they are the things that produce a wrong temper of soul. It is extraordinary what an enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention from God. Refuse to be swamped with the cares of this life. "

Is there any hope then? Yes. Yes there is. While we were yet sinners, he Loved us. So as long as God is your guide, He will be your protection. So as long as you live for Him He goes before you, He marks you, he tells your enemies that whoever tries to harm you will walk into His vengeance.

This is my hope, that sin will not rule over me.

Because of you Daniel, I lost 10 pounds

On January 5th I began the Daniel fast journey. Some of you may not know that many churches get together at the beginning of the year and declare a 21 day fast. Many churches refer to the Daniel Fast, other churches say that you can do whatever fast you want, as long as you dedicate 21 days to prayer and fasting.

What is the Daniel Fast? It will be perhaps too long to explain in this blog, but you can find out more about it if you click here.

 I had done this fast only once a few years ago, and remembered that it had been a challenge, but not really life changing in regards to my eating habits. Professionals have said that it takes 21 days to form a habit, whether healthy or not. This time, it did take me 21 days to learn a few things about my life.

1) I learned that milk makes me bloated and sometimes dizzy.

2) I learned that I am allergic to Quinoa (or maybe I just didn't rinse it enough? I have a full bag of it if you want it).

3) I learned that soda elevates my sugar to the point where I feel the following symptoms: short of breath, dizzy, nausea, and it can trigger a panic attack)

4) I learned that taking processed, or regular sugars out of my life for 21 days reduced my hypoglycemia to the point where I did not get sick after many hours of not eating. Before, I needed a snack every two hours, otherwise I would feel the following: nausea, dizzy, low heart beat, fast heart beat)

5) I learned that after eating non-processed all natural foods, I could stay awake all night because of the excess of energy I received from them. I literally felt like I needed to work out in order to get some sleep. This did not happen often during the fast because I was also afraid of working out too much and  not getting enough protein. I am sure I could have done it, but because I was a novice vegan for 21 days I decided against it.

5) I learned that being a vegan is not really that bad.

6) I learned that I could get enough motivation to loose weight. I just need discpline.

7) I also learned that my period was not an excuse. I started this fast a week before TOM came to visit. Yes, indeed, t'was hard. But no need for chocolate cake, sugary drinks, or fried stuff ladies. It's all in your head. It's what you're willing to allow. 

8) I learned new recipes in general. New healthy recipes.

9) I learned that eating out meant Chipotle, even though during the fast I did not go to this restaurant at all.

10) I learned that if someone else does it with you, you will be more encouraged to finish. Preferably, if that someone lives with you.



This being said, after 21 days of no meat, only vegetables, some grains,  and water, I lost about ten pounds. I kept on telling people that I was not doing this fast for the sake of loosing weight. I really did not do this for that reason. In fact, through this fast, my mind was able to think clearly. I was able to dedicate some much needed time to Jesus. I prayed, I meditated on His Word, and I read. What was once a physical hunger became a spiritual one. For the first 5 days I had intense headaches. My body was trying to detox from caffeine, sugar products, and processed foods. My hypoglycemia seemed to be getting even worse. I felt I needed to eat every 30 minutes due to the low caloric intake. At first glance change just seems plain out scary. You think you won't be able to make it, but then you press through and you get this amazing experience. The important part though is not the 21 days. The important part takes place after the 21 days.


I am not gonna lie, my first day I ate like I used to. But you know what the difference was? My stomach had shrunk. I thought to myself....hmm...this will be a great start to notice what makes me sick.

Cheese. Cheese makes me feel bloated. The quesadilla kind of cheese makes me feel sick to my stomach. Sugar? It can bring my hypoglocemia back in a second if I don't control it. All of this knowledge I now treasure. What seemed so hard at first now seems so obvious. It's not about loosing weight peeps. It's about taking care of your body. Why would I cause myself to have hypoglycemia when I know it can be controlled? Why do I this if I have the knowledge?

I leave you with this qoute, something I learned quite a while ago and haunts me every time I read it:

Knowledge equals responsibility. Write it down. Chew on it. Meditate on it. If what you want wants you, and once you get it, it makes you sick...then why would you keep doing it? It is like an addiction. It is like sin. You just don't realize it's bad for you anymore. And you become this irresponsible selfish being. He bought you with a price, and your body is His temple. Treat it like so.

Tropical Trident Gum and some Lyrics

I got a message the other day that stilled my heart. I have been pondering on these questions lately, "Have I made any impact, on anyone, since I graduated?" I am not going to lie to you and tell you I always read my bible and pray for people every single day. I don't. In fact, my readings and prayers have decreased tremendously. But before I allow condemnation to sink in I remember the Proverb, For an upright man, after falling seven times, will get up again.

I am not making any excuse for not keeping up with what I know I need to do. I have blatantly sinned and now I am confessing here on this blog. By no means am I also trying to push grace, for when I say that I will get back up again, I do it. I have no excuse for not talking to God daily. If I don't hear back from Him, it is most likely due to me.

Do you see what i'm talking about? I think we get so far away, slowly but surely, that we come to this point where our flesh tells us, "We don't need God". Have I ever thought this out loud? Never. I will never sit in front of you and think "I don't need God". But I certainly act like it. How? By not communicating with Him. How can you receive gifts constantly from someone that you don't know without asking them, "Who are you and why do you send me these gifts?". There must be communication in order to sort things out. To find out who the sender is, you must first investigate.

I feel this way with God. He keeps blessing me, and sending me gifts and tries to talk to me but It's like He's hitting a wall. I don't even flinch anymore when I receive new blessings. I somehow, expect them. Why? Because He's good. He makes his rain shine on the Just and Unjust.

Just when you're completely living life on your own He sends you one last gift. It's to actually see if you're awake and not completely ignoring Him. If you've ever seen  the Grinch who stole Christmas you'll undersand what i'm talking about. Right at the end, when his heart starts beating, he lets out a cry and says "HELP ME, I'm FEELING!".  This is how I feel when I get these last warnings. Right about when I'm slipping away, he sends me one last gift; they come in all different shapes and sizes. This last time he sent me a gift through a facebook message. I like to call these "reminders".

So a friend of mine sends me a message asking me what the title of this specific song was. A song that I had burned into a CD to give to her so she could listen. She told me she had been looking for the lyrics all over google but could not find the musician. It was killing her and if I could please help. She couldn't look up any other lyrics because she had passed it on to someone else.


The Lyrics are as follows:

You move the earth you move the mountains, the sky, the sea to save me, to save me.


 I received a text from my sister a few days ago that had a picture of Trident Tropical gum. She tells me in her text, "So and so says that every time she sees this it reminds her of you". I smiled then, thinking to myself, how funny. Even the little things that one does, like the simple flavor of a specific gum can impact a person's life.


And I think this was my reminder. I gave this CD with the hopes that someone would listen to it and someone did. And now someone I don't know has it because it has been passed on. When I was a teenager I used to chew Trident Tropical gum very often, and now someone sees it and thinks of me.

Do you know where I'm getting at?

I hope you do. 

A Conversation

The other day I was having a conversation with God. A much needed one. I often get like this when I let my surroundings get a hold of me. When I let life just happen without acknowledging Him. Towards the end I quote a song by Jason Upton. A song that has ministered to me time after time.


I do need You to speak to me.
Am I disobeying?
Have I chosen a wrong path?

All I want is to be with You forever.
Wanna share a shelter....
Wanna go all over the world.
Wanna speak about You.
Want to go crazy for You.
But I have forgotten my first love.

How can I start again?
How can I go into your quarters if I haven't seen you in a year?
I feel awkward.
Please tell me You don't.
Tell me everything will be okay.
Tell me you haven't forgotten how I look like.
Tell me that you know my every fear,
and that what I most fear isn't true.
Tell me that after not making time for You,
You still love me...

I want to get back to that point where I was dying without your presence.
When did I get so used to not breathing You In?
When did that become the norm?
Your heart feels estranged to me
but I know it's just me.
I feel shy but You don't.

In Your presence, all fear is gone.
Father, i'm returning to the things I used to do.
Because somewhere along the journey,
I think I lost hold of the Truth.
And nothing really satisfies, like when you call my name.
So tell me that you'll never leave me,
and everything will be alright.

¼ OF A CENTURY.

I thought that by now I would have had a Master’s degree in English and Spanish. I would have published a book, would have been known by the world as an artist, and would have been a decent singer. All of these things were my childhood dreams. I grew up and these dreams were still there.  I am now twenty-five years old and none of these things have been accomplished. What happened?

My father warned me “mija, don’t get married at 23. Wait till you’re 25 because then you will know what you want to do for the rest of your life”. A fellow co-worker of mine told me almost the same thing, “when you are twenty-five, everything will clear up; you will know what you want to do for the rest of your life”. Sorry father, sorry friend; I beg to differ. I still do not know entirely what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do know one thing: Jesus. Jesus still remains as the one thing I know I will do for the rest of my life. In fact, it will be the very someone whom my whole life will revolve around.

One thing I have learned in my 25 years is that I have learned to love people the way they are. I am no better or less than the person standing right next to me.  Not too long ago I was observing a father and a son. It was the son’s birthday and in his mind the world was grand. The father had made this great feast to celebrate his son’s 3 years of age. The three year old would laugh and then, like a switch, get mad. You see, he had just woken up from a nap. He would smile when he saw something he liked,( like candy or cake)but once he saw that the party needed attention as well he would frown, get mad, would even let out a whimper once in a while. He would do this while clinging to his father’s shirt, never letting go as if afraid of the party. His father, busy cooking for the feast would stop what he was doing, look down, and hug his wanting three year old. “What’s wrong?” he would ask. “This party is for you, look at this…look at that? Wow!” And the three year old son would smile all over again. The father was the only one who could pave the way for the son to see what was really happening. It was a party for him. He was celebrating three years of life.

God was showing me how selfish I could be at times. I thought about the times I would rant about what was happening around me. God I see this but I need your attention. God, I want the candy, but can you please pick me up so I can get some more? I want cake….but why can’t I have it now? And God looks down on me, while he is preparing my home and the precious meal I will have with Him one day, and tells me “Hey, will you look at that?” my eyes go from Him to the people. “Wow, look here, isn’t that awesome?” And I see the people who are ready to come to this party, who are celebrating with me. “Yes, yes I do God!”  And then he turns me around to another group of people, who are not invited, and asks me, “wouldn’t it be awesome if they could come to?”  I see the heart of my Father. I see the Lost. The broken. I want them to come too, but how will they know if no one ever tells them?  Who will go, if I don’t go and tell them? Today I celebrate my life wanting for those who are forgotten, fatherless, and friendless to come to my party. Come dine with me, come taste my Father’s Food. Come and Taste and see how Good He is. I am not the only one who needs to come to this party. I celebrate life, but God celebrates all of life. He celebrates eternal Life in Him.

Missionary: A person who leaves their family for a short period of time so that others can be with family for eternity.

Photograph by David Anderson