Cold fronts are coming; cold rain is settling in the lands of Huntsville, TX. Today my roommate woke me up at 7:30; i go in to work at 8. I panicked and did not understand why my alarm had failed to work. Sonia says that she thinks it did and I probably must have turned it off. I don't remember at all.....
When you wake up in such a hurry your mood is basically set for the whole day; if you let it. I woke up a bit nostalgic thinking about the past and how Christmas isn't Christmas anymore. I remember a good friend of mine telling me last year (around this time) that he hated what Christmas had become....all these people going shopping to buy a gift; Christmas has become about materialism. At the time I listened but did not take it in. Now, it's sinking in because it's very true. I know how it feels to be the giver and see the recipient of the gift unwrapping it so excitedly to say thank you so t hat a few weeks later it does not matter anymore. Because things get old. Because stuff does not last forever. Now that I get some sort of income and am expected to give gifts I get sad. I'm not cheap; if it was in my power I would buy my sisters the most expensive technology they desired, but what will that do to their hearts? Nothing but spoil their Christmas. Yes it will spoil their Christmas because in later years that is what Christmas will become to them: getting what they can get and enjoying the family time for the sake of opening presents.
Why am I writing about this? I have no idea. Maybe I do...Christmas stopped being Christmas to me a long time ago. Why do these feelings cease to exist? I hate being alone with my mother and sisters for the Holidays; I secretly wish to see fireworks together and to have extended family come on over and make it count for eternity. But no, that is not the case. It's just us four. Las niñas de Dios. God's four girls. Does it seem that I am ungrateful? Well I was...but trust me, this will have a better ending.
For thanksgiving my step dad came over and cooked for us. Some Cuban rice and some turkey with yuca and plantains...yum; it was really good. However, it was just us again. I enjoyed the evening but later on I could not help but feel sad. I wanted to escape reality and be with as much people as possible; I did not want to be alone. During the break I went to pick up my mom one night from work and she was telling me about her co-workers who don't do anything for the holidays. She said, "Michel, I don't understand. How can people do nothing over the holidays? I ask people what their plans are and they just say they will be doing nothing but watching tv. They don't cook, they don't plan anything! I want to cook and I want to be with my family for the holidays! I want to make it fun for all my girls; at least do something!" Instantly I felt convicted. 'I'm sorry God' i whispered in my mind.
Getting a small view into my mother's thoughts pierced my heart. We were alone for thanksgiving, yes, and perhaps we will be alone for Christmas as well but that is no punishment. That is nothing I should feel remorse for. Enjoying this season is what I need to be doing and yet I let my heart wander off to its desolate 'feelings'. We are no good. Like King Solomon said "everything is meaningless" when God isn't in it. Have you ever felt like your life is a rush? You go by the day and you ask yourself "where has the day gone? Is it already December? my gosh that has happened fast!" And I wonder if we remember at all the events of this year. What did we do? What moments could we say we were thankful for? I wonder if we could remember any specific moment in which we felt overjoyed to be with family. Has this too ceased to exist?
Have you ever wondered why thunderstorms exist? Why not simple rain to water the lands? I once heard that thunderstorms existed to interrupt our busy lives. Classes get canceled, lights go off work. Everything seems to go wrong. It's like God telling us, "Ya basta! Descansa! Leave it all to me; I'm interrupting for your sake". I think that's why we don't feel christmas anymore....we've become too numb and have lost our focus. Do we need an interruption? So even if thanksgiving passed and it was a blurr , I have an expectant heart for Christmas. Spend some time with your family, show them that they are no burden (Even if you have never thought of them that way, your actions can still portray the same) , show them that you're not there for the gifts. The truth about Christmas? Is that the son of God became the ordinary to save us from the ordinary. There is no reason to be ordinary this Christmas holiday, yet we should be ordinary with our family. By this last statement I mean that being with the family does not have to cost money; it should only cost your precious time. True fellowship starts with spending time with one another....This Christmas, let's strive for true fellowship within our families.
God is interrupting us, will you stay In and enjoy? Or will you be that annoying boss who expects people to come to work in the midst of a tornado? Hope you have a Merry Christmas.
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