I Forget

This is indeed my first blog after graduation. Is that a long time or what? I officially apologize to my fellow bloggers and subscribers (if I have any). It has been quite a hectic few months and I was not in the mood to write. Either that, or I was simply busy.

I have found a life after graduation and unfortunately it was the life that I most feared. One with trouble, toil, but overall mostly confusing. People tell me it's my age. I am young they say, with many options in front of me, and that of course I'm confused. But I wish there was a better explanation for this and as I sought Truth I found that "better explanation". Of course It's not one that you like, because it involves a cross. Ah yes the cross you say How can I forget? You're a christian. Yes I am and that is all I have ever known and will ever know. Christianity is what my whole life revolves around of, and if I am having trouble concentrating don't I need to seek from the source in which I believe all Truth comes from?


I forget to go back to the cross. Sometimes I even forget that I had an experience at the cross. For those who don't know, I am talking about salvation. (john 3:16). When I start forgetting I often tend to hold on to good works, or depend solely on myself. Making myself a god. I forget what He did on that cross which allows the enemy to come in and destroy all peace of mind I thought I had obtained. This attack can become so intense that I cannot help but think that where I had been poor in spirit, I became all knowing according to my own wisdom. Where I had mourned for God I became conformed. Where I was meek I became prideful. Where I was hungry and thirsty for more of Him, I became a drought; a dying spirit. Where I had been merciful, I became judgmental and critical; the very center of a religious spirit. Where I was pure In heart, my heart began to lust after money, after recognition, after sex. Where I had been peaceful, I became confused.

One look away from the cross and all the things mentioned above start creeping in. I forget to look and remain looking. I forget to linger. What usually happens is that I start forming my own thinking, I say forming because the ability to think comes from God. Then after forming I tend to believe that my way of thinking is "the right one". But I am lost. Deeply lost.

You have forgotten, says God.
You have allowed your love to be corrupted, You have forgotten your first Love again

After these words I have to look back at that rugged old cross again. It is then that I know that it was I who left first. I have killed Him once again. I have been unfaithful once again. And then the moment of truth comes quickly, which faces me with two decisions: to accept forgiveness or to hang on to a pride that prevents me from admitting that I am wrong. In reality I can't stand facing the fact that I have hurt the perfect lamb.

I never told Him to die for my sins, I say to myself.
And almost like a slap to the face He responds,

Did I not say NOT to eat from the three of knowledge of Good and Evil? It was never intended for you to carry such a weight. It was always meant for me. This is why you must give me your burden and exchange it for my yoke. My gentle yoke. It is called redemption.

But what If I can't get back up? I have fallen at least seven times!

Then you will get back on the eight, on the ninth, and on the tenth, till you die. Remain in Me, abide in Me and you WILL have Life.

I must tell you that it is not easy to accept such a Truth. There are times when I do not want to believe that the only thing I have to do is get right back up and believe, have Faith, and let Him be the center of my life once again. It feels like I have to do something, to earn my right for such a forgiveness. It doesn't feel right to accept such a good gift. But then that is when I remember the cross. Though I was yet a sinner He died for me. I was still a sinner when He first loved me. I must face the fact that at the cross He beckons me to remember, to keep on remembering, and to never forget.