Sunday, December 03, 2006

Status: Currently In the Desert

This was probably one of the most interesting days i haver ever had. But somehow, it was also one of the dullest in every way....At least, that is what it seemed. Church seemed to be going fine today in the morning, until the pastor said he had changed the sermon and was going to preach about healing. Ahhh, yes healing. I knew that God could not possibly be talking to me, I just did not feel the same about that word anymore. I feel, as if I have been healed already. Yet, there were so many other hungry people at church today who needed that Healer. God showed up today. He healed many I believe, but today he was not there to comfort me. This time he left me all by myself. Leaving me with open decisions. I looked to the right and there was Cristina with a new friend. They were about to kneel down and I kneeled with them. To be honest, I did not know what I was doing. I just told Cristina's friend the Truth, and with doubt in my mind I asked, "Do you want to accept him?" She looked confused, the enemy was winning, I told her I was not pushing her to do this, it was her decision...But in the end, she repeated every word that came out of my mouth. I was still doubting; why do I doubt my God? Everytime I doubt I always remember when Moses doubted:

21 But Moses said, "Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, 'I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!' 22 Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?" 23 The LORD answered Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you."-numbers 11

I kept on doing what I needed to do, but kept on feeling empty. I left Cristina and her friend and kept on praying, for my own sake. I have learned that I will not always feel his presence, oh but how I do miss it! And then there was another girl...a twelve year old...crying, but not quite sure what was happening. She thought it was about her friend who had died, but I knew it was not all about that. I knew there was some sort of conviction, but how could I make her understand that? All I could do was to hug and pray for her. I just showed her the way I love, to hug her and tell her I loved her, perhaps she needed to hear that. I don't know why that was with me today. I just wanted to tell them that i loved them. And I did, but somehow I felt like I had failed. "Is my arm too short?" I hear my God asking me. And I bow my head, and do not know what to say. That same day, when I looked over to see Cristina and her friend, her friend was on her knees, her head almost touching the ground, and she was crying. Yea...maybe I did not feel him, oh but they certainly did. I knew God was at church today, I just doubted his presence, just because I did not feel.

14 " Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Will bring her into the wilderness, And speak comfort to her.
-Hosea

I am currently in the desert, my comforter has come, but now it is my time. It is my time to share the good news.

3This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah: "A voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.'-Matthew

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