Perhaps not through the world's opinion, but through Christ I believe it can. I had lunch this past friday with a friend of mine who recently got married in April. She was 26 years old when she met her husband and she was 26 years old when she got married. She met him in India (she had gone for christmas vacations) and according to the indian custom, when marriage is a possability, the couple gets together for like 20 min, talks, and there, then and there decide if they want to marry or not. Faith, my friend, told me this: "In India commitment comes before love." In other words, they commit to love one another before they actually even feel love for one another. Is that crazy or what? I think for us it is hard to grasp, at least for me it is, but Faith got married four months after meeting him; they would have gotten married sooner but because she was living here in the U.S she had to come back, prepare her stuff, and go back to India and marry him. They took about six months to get his visa, and now they are living here in huntsville, Tx working in Chi alpha.
OK so here are a few scriptures for what I am about to state:
12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master."
Gensis 24
(so here the servant of Abraham asked for confirmation, notice that it was not isaac, but the servant, there was a pastor who thought that the servant sybolized the Holy Spirit, Abraham God, and isaac representing us.)
As you know the story ended with a happy ending because Rebekah was the the girl the Lord had prepared for Isaac. Notice that Isaac and rebekah had never seen each other before, and both of them completley trusted the Lord. You may say "but you have to look at the context, that's what everybody was doing, it was a normal thing" I agree, it was, and it was different times, different people, and a different age, BUT it was the same God.
Another scipture:
34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
John 13:34, 35
Now, Jesus is not saying "you know...it would make us look really good if we love each other man...i mean i think we can get more people like that." NAH, he said : A NEW COMMAND I GIVE YOU, meaning that it does not matter if you like that person or not, you must love them. Love your enemies right? Isn't that what Jesus said? I don't think many people look at this verse and think about marriage....but to back up my statement I must say this: Commitment comes before love, you are commiting to love that person, meaning that your marriage would be a reflection of Christ, which in return impact others (by this all men will know you are my disciples).
This is my statement:
I believe that American culture has it all upside down. I actually would even dare to consider it fleshy, yes FLESHY for a person to marry someone based on their feelings of "love" towards that person. Words, in my opinion, are nothing witouth commitment. And that, will require self control, self will, and overall the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Please feel free to comment, I would like to know what everyone thinks on this subject.
COMMITMENT BEFORE LOVE? or LOVE BEFORE COMMITMENT?
8 comments:
i am assuming that when you say commitment before love you mean commitment before feelings....
Cause if you can commit to someone without knowing them, you already have chosen to love them even though there is nothing yet...
insane!!!
I also think that when someone subscribes to this ideology of marriage and it's not a natural part of their culture, they want to get married and it does not matter with who... that's why you subscribe to it.
i say this from personal past experience... This is not to say that it's a bad thing... It really is a beautiful thing to choose someone before having all the facts (that would be our culture). But let's not forget, that Christ came to give NEW LIFE through a new nature not new culture. This was a huge stumbling block for many Jews cause culture was so important. What do you think?
While I totally agree with the biblical backing of what you're saying, and your point makes perfect sense, I think there are other elements that come into play.
When you take people from different backgrounds, they usually have different beliefs. And while this may not necessary be a bad thing, they may believe differently on things that are too important to both to be compromised by either. The man may believe that he is the supreme god of the relationship and has the final word in every situation, and the woman he married may be strong willed and refuse to be pushed around and treated as nothing.
This marriage obviously could work, but the husband and wife would constantly be fighting, and they eventually would either grow apart, or one would have to change. The man would feel constant frustration to a wife who won't submit, and the woman would always feel like her husband is walking all over her. This relationship would be tolerable, but neither would be happy.
So I agree that if God is put first in the marriage, and both parties are willing to compromise, then, yes, they could be happy, but in America the majority are not Christian, and I believe we would merely have thousands of unhappy couples, that are constantly wishing they had learned to love before they committed.
I suppose this concept is strange to me, because I have seen relationships where they married within the same year as meeting that person, and they both ended in divorce. I understand the thought of committing to someone and how you can grow in love...but how can you do that? Not that it is wrong, but I cannot see it ending well. Knowing absolutely nothing about the other person and then jumping into marriage like that. I know the thought is "God will make sure everything is okay" is what we should think, but it doesn't always end okay. What if he turns out to be simply awful? Or she ends up to be unfaithful? Is this process only able to work between two people with absolute faith in Jesus?
If I had been Rebekah, I would have been hesitant and perhaps frightened at the prospect of marrying a man I had never met. But, I suppose if I had heard God tell me to go, I would have. However, unlike my namesake, I am unsure of what to listen for or know what is His voice and what is my own thoughts.
In short, I congratulate your friend and wish her only good things, but have difficulty understanding the whole concept.
I think that because of America's view of marriage, a person must get to know another for a while then be friends,date, marriage,etc.. when you commit yourself to love another it means accepting both the good and bad.That bond will be stronger than an emotional one.I really like the analogy of the servant,Ab,and isaac its really an eye opener but it just goes to show that once again-> Anything is possible with God in your heart:D. -JL
This is a question that continues to baffle me. My grandma always told me that people who get divorced are bad because they aren't willing to stand by that person through good and bad, thick and thin, which is what they promised to do when they got married. Basically, her take on it was that no matter how rough it gets, you stay by that person and God will honor it. I think that there is some truth to it, and I think it relates to the idea of arranged marriages, but at the same time it opens the door to a whole new set of problems. If your husband, whom you committed to before you loved, beats you or develops an alcohol problem or denounces God, you are stuck in a very destructive position. Also, and this is the one that I've struggled more with, if you can love anyone and make it work, there is a tendency to settle for less. Fortunately, the solution to both of these problems is simple (although a lot more difficult to put into practice.) Yes, commitment probably should come before love, but only if you are committing to the one that God has chosen for you. I'm not saying that there is only one person on earth that you are destined to marry, but God will have the perfect one for you in the right season, and when you commit to love them before getting involved in your feelings, that is when you will find true happiness.
I still think that we should take advantage of American culture and get to know people before we marry them, but the decision of who we marry should be based on God and the Holy Spirit and not our own human attraction (which relates to appearance but also personalities, sense of humor, talents, etc.)
after reading the comments i am surprised. From context clues I suppose all the responses are from Christians and I want to challenge all of us in any situation... It's now how you get into something. I'ts not how you merry, under what circumstances or what circumstances got you into any given situation. STICK TO YOUR COMMITMENT!!! Colossians 1:12-13 tells us that when we know GOD (the Knowledge of God the Father aka knowing Him) we are filled with his "Glorious Power" to persevere patiently through anything. It is salvation from the deepest pits that bring the Greatest Glourie to HIM!!!
Finishing what we start is so important. Run the race to WIN.
2nd Tim. 2:2 is important to XA but what follows (v.3-8) applies so much to this and all of life!
I have finally realized that we have it all wrong...commitment before love. It seems fool proof. How could you love someone you are not committed to? It makes sense to me now although i must say it is a complicated concept especially to apply to your own life. But when we throw in that we are human and are guided by what we see or hear it becomes almost impossible to think that it is possible to commit before loving. I don't think i would be able to commit to someone blindly...especially for life...but if one keeps in mind that someone has to feel the desire to commit to another than it would help you be more careful in choosing who you decide to share your love with.
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