It was not until a few weeks ago that I realized that my heart was not in the right place. Call it lack of reading the Word, call it lack of praying (things that build your faith), but I was beggining to enter a very scary stage of my life. I had no faith. I did not believe.
Can You be a christian and lack faith?
Absoulely not; Then you will be missing the whole point. But may I be brutally honest here...? I don't think there has been a single christian who never doubted his/her Christianity (maybe even for one second). The bible says we have all fallen short of the Glory of God, meaning that even with our actions, we have declared if we had faith at a specific moment or not. But...you see...that's THE PROBLEM. "our christianity". Am "I" really a christian? I'll explain what I mean...
My story of a christian starts my senior year in high school. I got saved at 12, but it wasn't until my last year in high school that I started getting serious about the Lord. The summer before college I went to a 220 conference (june 2006) and my life was changed dramatically. That was two years and a half ago...and now I am here writing a blog about being "faithless". After that conference I had radical faith for about two years, and then something started happening...my life became a distraction and it became about me, and not about God. I think that's where we loose it. We are SO imperfect and impure that we cannot even look at ourselves for one sec, because we start to loose it. We HAVE ALL fallen short of the Glory of God. (Romans 3: 23) We become confused, worried, frustruated, mad, hopeless and then all those sins are crouching at your door because you started focusing on yourself .
The Word of God says in 1 Corinthians 10:31:
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God"
My friend, my old small group leader was sitting in front of me, trying to understand what I was trying to say.
"So..Do you believe that Jesus can heal me?"
I stared at her not wanting her to read my mind but my silence was obvious.
"Don't call this season of your life 'faithless' "she said, "rather call it Faith Building. Everyone has faith, even non christians, they have faith that their car will start every morning, right? But Faith is also a gift, and I believe you need to ask for a measure of faith. Start declaring scripture every day, confess it with your mouth, what does the bible say? Confess and you will be saved? Well, start declaring it. You also have to undersand that it's not about how much faith YOU HAVE, but it's about that mustard seed of faith you have in Jesus."
And that is when I understood. The reason why I was so dissapointed in Faith, was because I was focusing on myself. My mentality was "why do I feel faithless? How come I cannot believe" , when all I really needed to do was to call upon His name and be saved.
My point is that when you start loosing faith is because you are probably focusing too much on yourself. Thats what it all boils down to.
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