There she goes....

I am sobbing and Ester tries to calm me down by telling me that she is probably just asleep. I want to be there myself, but I am in Huntsville. I am helpless, yet trying to reach out to Houston. Ester tries to break in with a spare key of the apartment that my mom had given her, but it is useless because a little chain is still blocking her full entrance. I hear Ester scream out my mom's name and I also hear no reply. I start to panic; is my mom okay? Did something happen to her?

Our Cuban neighbors told Ester that her car is in the parking lot so she must be there...why is she not hearing us? I start to cry, and so many tears come out thinking that the worst had happened. But what about my sisters? How come they don't hear the noises of my neighbors and Ester trying to break in? Are they all ....dead? And the telephone rings...and rings...and no answer. That is not like my mom, you see....she is so sensible that any little sound wakes her up. She even tells me how she hates people who don't answer their phones because she says, "What if it's an emergency?"

You see...my mom is not like that. She would have answered my phone calls. She would have called me one last time that night to ask me if I was safe in my room, so that she may peacefully sleep. You see.....my mom is not like that.

And these things kept running through my mind:

She did not have a good enough mothers day....tear
I did not get to tell her how much I care... tear
I forgot to tell her that I was ignoring her because I really needed to study....tear
I do not want her to leave me like this, with my guilty feelings...sobbing..

How imaginative the human mind is. How we can make ourselves believe something that is untrue, even though it has all the appearances of truth. It turns out that my mom was sleeping in the far end room, safe, asleep, and with the door locked. She said she did not hear anything, but she did admit that it was strange how she had not heard the phone ring. You see...my mom is not like that.

If I think long enough I will find myself crying again, just thinking of the possibility of her being gone. "And there she goes"....says the Lord. And He reminds me of my own futile life. All those instant guilty regrets I was having at the possibility of my mother's death, they were all just a lecture applied to my own personal walk with the Lord.
And here are my thoughts if I were to die suddenly:

What would I wish I could have done beforehand?
And what would have I done differently to show the Love of Jesus? To show that I cared?
And what excuses would I be giving God if I were to be standing before His throne?
And oh....how ashamed I would feel....tear.

And there I go....

What can awaken a sleeper? Once again, knowing you are but dirt that will return to dirt. What we need, and not just once in a lifetime, is a constant revelation of the Cross.