The week of Spring Break was a strange one; I must admit. It had so many good times, but at the same time it was full of attacks. That whole week I had been thinking about death. It was like if I entered some sort of paranoia stage in my life, where all I could think of was "will I die today? Am I prepared to die?". In my opionion, looking back it was so stupid. I will not say all the reasons why I was thinking that but I do know that one of them was certainly the way I was feeling about my health. I have been so tired since I started working, in fact for the first time in my life I have been receiving panic attacks (which is what I call them, because I don't really know what they are). But the symptoms are rapid palpitations, and something that makes me short of breath and that I feel like I am going to die. And so Spring break was full of life, because of many good things that happened (many divine appointments) but it was also full of death, because of the way I was feeling. I felt like I was living on the edge of a cliff, that any minute I will fall and that any movement seemed unreal.
I would go to the movies, go to the store, go change the car's tires and everything to me seemed false. My thoughts went from abnormal to absurd, because I had fear. Fear of living on a false cliff. Fear is not from the Lord I would tell myself (2 Timothy 1:7). I would ask myself, why am I scared? Why do I feel like this is my last moment...why is there fear in my heart?
It was not until the last day of Spring Break that I thought of what was really happening to me. I was in my bed at night and then it hit me; I was being attacked. Please do not think that I am always like this, believing that everything bad that happens is Satan, but I do believe that there has to come a point where you have to fight back. There is a REAL spiritual life, and there is REAL war going on, even if you do not want to believe it. It's like a pastor once said "Wether you believe it or not, JESUS IS COMING BACK". So, wether you believe it or not, THERE IS A REAL SPIRITUAL WORLD OUT THERE. And prayer is what moves us into victory.
Fear is not from God. God has not given us the Spirit of fear but He has given us POWER. It's at moments like this in life where you hav to choose to fight despite the way you feel. Despite how impossible your situation looks, the Lord has appointed you for this specific time, moment in history for you to live whatever you are living through. So you can either be stupid, and be sad in sickness, be sad in remorse, become angry, or you can choose to fight the good fight, run the race, and have no regrets! This is the year of pressing in, and it's not going to be easy.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3:14
Year '09, year of PRESSING INTO HIS PRESENCE, HIS VICTORIES, HIS PASSIONS, HIS KINGDOM, and HIS PURPOSE!!
I would go to the movies, go to the store, go change the car's tires and everything to me seemed false. My thoughts went from abnormal to absurd, because I had fear. Fear of living on a false cliff. Fear is not from the Lord I would tell myself (2 Timothy 1:7). I would ask myself, why am I scared? Why do I feel like this is my last moment...why is there fear in my heart?
It was not until the last day of Spring Break that I thought of what was really happening to me. I was in my bed at night and then it hit me; I was being attacked. Please do not think that I am always like this, believing that everything bad that happens is Satan, but I do believe that there has to come a point where you have to fight back. There is a REAL spiritual life, and there is REAL war going on, even if you do not want to believe it. It's like a pastor once said "Wether you believe it or not, JESUS IS COMING BACK". So, wether you believe it or not, THERE IS A REAL SPIRITUAL WORLD OUT THERE. And prayer is what moves us into victory.
Fear is not from God. God has not given us the Spirit of fear but He has given us POWER. It's at moments like this in life where you hav to choose to fight despite the way you feel. Despite how impossible your situation looks, the Lord has appointed you for this specific time, moment in history for you to live whatever you are living through. So you can either be stupid, and be sad in sickness, be sad in remorse, become angry, or you can choose to fight the good fight, run the race, and have no regrets! This is the year of pressing in, and it's not going to be easy.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3:14
Year '09, year of PRESSING INTO HIS PRESENCE, HIS VICTORIES, HIS PASSIONS, HIS KINGDOM, and HIS PURPOSE!!
No comments:
Post a Comment